We are taught to think through our choices to make good ones and to avoid bad ones. We are taught to get good careers. Words like stable, respectable, honest are used to describe the types of roles we are expected to learn how to play. Most of us at a certain point in our lives buy in to it. We buy in to the idea of stability. We buy into the promise of security. And by doing so we put our infantile dreams and hopes in a dark damp sub basement of our subconscious. We adapt to the world around us. And we watch others live our dreams for us.
Some of us don’t let our flame go out so easily. We fight for our dreams. We dare to go down the path never traveled. And we doubt ourselves as we do it. We go forward valiantly with courage and intestinal fortitude and then one day we just don’t know. We don’t know what happened to the knowing that we had just a few days ago. We don’t know where our courage has scurried off to. We become lost in doubt. Flailing helplessly while we We look to others for direction for certainly we seem to not be capable of choosing our selves. But really our mistake is that we believe in the idea of certainty. That knowing if our choices are good is possible. And its is in this fallacy that we often falter. Because as humans we do not have the ability to measure our decisions except in retrospect. we desperately wish we could know in advance if our choices will lead us to where we wish to go but we cannot know. And no one else can know either. and so making peace with that not knowing is the only way to make peace with the doubt. By recognizing that it is there. From there we have to learn to trust ourselves to say I do not know what this choice will bring but I am willing to find out I am willing to trust myself to listen to myself to listen to all the impulses and influences at play that tell me this is a good idea ,that this is a good choice. And this is all we can do.